Books to me are as important as food, if not more. This semester, I’ve collected twelve books (or more), three of those non-fiction. Books are my drugs, tranquilized me of my heartache and loneliness at times when I don’t have no one to talk to.
The semester has ended and all these books, in one way or another, get me through almost every harsh days. Suppressing my stress and need to break down this semester just by sticking my nose into my books.
It probably isn’t a healthy thing to do to deal with emotions (you’ve got to face your problems, right?) but hey, that’s all I know. Only book lovers will understand, one that understand how books can keep you together and not screaming your lungs out.
Book is amazing, a superhero.
This semester, I started off great. I’m fiery to nailed this semester, but that’s in the beginning. Slowly, things started to go down the drain. There are too many things going on at once and I only have one brain and one heart and one body. Sums up, I only have one life of one soul and very little time. It wears me out and by the end, I’m beaten.
No studying, not even cramming for my finals. I slept in almost all of my classes and I did badly for my tests, quizzes and assignments. Wow, now that I think of it all, it sucks. Surprisingly, I don’t find it in me to care much. I might going to cry if this few months ago.
Everything is not going well, but books are still with me. Comforting me in ways that no people can. Except academics book. Apparently, I’m a racists towards certain book. Yay.
Got a problem? Consult books. Like this…
Love life: Hopelessly romantic novel (Judith McNaught, Jane Feather…. and so on. Nick Sparks anyone?)
Motivation: Comics (crack a laughter once in a while, it’ll do you good. Check out, Ernest Ng’s Don’t Be Like That Bro comic series)
etc. There are books for every turmoil of emotions you go through, how can you not like books. There are cheaper than
shrink therapists, they just listen to you and they don’t look at you in a way that makes you feel like you’re going crazy.
But no matter how much I like books, people need others to alleviate depression. Books are books, but they are not people. I need to let it all out soon and books are not in my list of consulting options.
Books and me, a love affair but not forever. Books are my muted BFF. It’s too quiet sometimes.
Anger is lethal. Consuming from inside out, tearing every pieces of tranquility and oblivion to everything around. It is tiring and frustrating. A hard feeling, it is not accepting and not giving. Anger toward others, towards oneself and even towards nothingness. It’s a blinding emotion. Its human.
There are days when everything so dull and you need strength just to get through the day. Often times, you find your relax listening to music than didn’t have lyrics. :)
Oh hair! Oh hair!
What a bad hair day
What a bad hair day…
Oh hair! Oh hair!
You loss and fall
to the floor, on the pillow
There you go
Hair to color
Hair to cut
Hair to pull
in girl’s fight
You are frustrating
Hair oh hair
My money goes
Goodbye to lunch
and new shoes
To you hair
when the wind blows
because hairspray is not me
Get glossy and soft
Not dry and split-ends
and now, I roll my eyes at you
though I just waste money on you
It’s frustrating indeed. Hair
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I get this feeling that something is not done yet or I get this feeling that something bad is coming. There’s a lot going on and I’m too busy to noticed that I’m missing out on things that I should enjoy. When I started my study, I always thought of graduating with flying colors – the dean’s list and all. And I always dreamed of being a professional engineer. Now, I just dream of having a life that I knew I fully enjoyed and not missing any beautiful things in life.
Last week, I was scheduled for an appointment at the hospital. If ever there’s a moment that I could say frightened me the most, the appointment day is the moment. I went there with Russ around 3 p.m. and the hospital, being as usual, was bustling with people. Hospital always make me nervous and that day is worst. I was diagnosed with thyroid problem mid of 2013 and constantly met with doctors since then. My thyroid problem is a hyperthyroidism. Hyperthyroidism is the opposite of hypothyroidism, where the patient is experiencing an overactive thyroid that the thyroid gland produces too much of thyroid hormone. The symptoms are difficulty in concentrating, sleep problems, heat intolerance, weight loss and nervousness. I do get nervous a lot and even a slight tremor with my hands. I get sweaty palms and feel anxious about everything.
The day of the appointment was during the study week – week before final exam start – and I was so busy completing my assignments and coursework that I was so tired that I almost decide not to go. A lot happened that day and by the time my number are called to meet with the doctor on duty, I was so nervous. Two weeks before the appointment, I was scheduled for a biopsy. A nurse in a FNAC (Fine Needle Aspiration Cytology) room used a syringe to get a sample of fluid from the swelling in my neck. That was scary and quite painful. This recent appointment was to get my biopsy and it was hell more scary than the needle.
It was either my thyroid is CANCEROUS or not.
I was preparing for the worst and just trying to composed myself from feeling so nervous I hardly can breathe right. Everything around me was a blur for a moment and I just waited for the doctor to tell me the result. Is it bad? Is it good? It’s suffocating to wait and scared me more than anything in my entire life. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. My life has so much going on I know I missed a lot of the fun and a lot of things that I didn’t appreciate and that minutes that passed, I was thinking of all the things that I missed out and how much time have I wasted not enjoying beautiful moments.
The appointment was a good feedback.
The doctor, she was very calmed. I supposed telling a patient her test result is too ordinary, it doesn’t matter if it’s cancerous or not. Maybe I’m just too nervous but what can I do? Nervousness is one of the symptoms and it sure is not a great waiting to know if you have a thyroid cancer or not. I guess every doctor is trained well enough that it’s very calm of them to tell what it is.
I was glad that it wasn’t cancer and I’m still rejoicing that fact. Thyroid cancer is not a critical cancer but still, it is cancer. I was thinking to myself that if mine was not a critical cancer and I’m pretty much a nervous-wreck waiting for the result, I wonder of how anyone with a critical type of cancer prevail? Mine is as much nightmare I could take. I’m only in my early 20’s and my whole life flashes before me as I waited for the result. My nightmare stopped when the doctor said it wasn’t cancerous and I can’t even imagined how it was for others who have it.
Life is so unexpected.
If there was a changed that I felt after the appointment, it was the moment that I realized how much I didn’t appreciate what I have in life. How much I let everything passed by without enjoying the moment, without knowing the importance and without realization that maybe someday I wouldn’t have the chance to have that moment again. I’m in a rush without reasons in life and now I’m putting a break at a certain point in life and just enjoy the episodes of life.
Here’s the catch, I’ve felt so sexy lately (I’ve always feel sexy though, this just mean an extra sexy. :P). This current semester, it is a requirement to take one foreign language class for our credits. I’ve always want to learn foreign language so this chance for me is like throwing a stick for dog to catch. Know what I mean? :D I’m ecstatic, really. We were given a choice, either a Mandarin or German course.
I had somewhat thought I should take Mandarin since most vacancy in papers recently always requiring applicants who can speak Mandarin (kinda annoyed me). But then, I kept thinking that I should take German since there aren’t many in my place who can speak German. Plus, Mandarin seems common and I think it’ll bored me (it’s the same as in I don’t like this band that I used to love because they’ve gone mainstream and lost their well, coolness. Heh…) Mandarin is very beneficial though and maybe I take a class someday, just another thing that I might want to add in my résumé. Anyway, after a lot of scrutinizing and pondering and rolling-in-bed-thinking, I took German class. :) :) Glad I did.
GERMAN and their ENGINEERING
Well, it is known that German is highly developed in engineering. Their knowledge and technologies are sought after because well, they are just so good in almost all engineering field (that’s what I’ve heard but I don’t know facts though). Since I’m in an engineering course, it makes sense that German is one of the elective foreign language course. Quite a lot of my lecturers can speak and write in German (most done their masters in German) and I might have a shot in doing the same too, assuming I can survive my current course. :P *Try my best, I do!*
Learning Germany is tough, I give you that. It seems easy but it’s not (learning never easy anyway). My first German class was absolutely great. My lecturer is awesome and funny so that’s make my class easier catch with the absentees of stress that always looming over me in other class, mainly Calculus (me and maths is like water and oil, I wonder how I can keep up with maths all my entire study life. It’s a magic.) Anyway, GERMAN CLASS MAKES ME FEEL SEXY. :P I don’t mind if you laugh to this cause I find it pretty funny too.
It’s not the lecturer or the students in the class that gives me the feeling of sexy. Nope. No eye-candy in the class that can overwhelmed me (One guy maybe). The language alone do that. I don’t mean this in a weird way though. :P I find foreign language, especially European tongue, very appealing. With all the accents too! I find French language very sexy and I don’t why (and most of my friends thought the same too). The rhythm and the way it sounded brings out a vibe of sexiness to the person. They seems sexy all the sudden!
German language pretty much gives out the same vibe but not so much as the French. German language really makes me feel kinda sexy in a way. Uttering words that sounded deep from your throat (kinda throaty pronunciation) and the way it sounded mysteriously, I may have unconsciously tucked my hair or swept my hair to the sides for added side effects.
More logically, foreign language seems to add to the score of attractiveness and sexiness because there not a lot around who know the language. It seems appealing to others and I know that. Plus, it makes me feel like a pretty brainiac. Got the looks (I feel pretty though not so pretty to some :P) and the brain; it’s a double shot. I can, picture this situation, go to a fancy bar, wear a killer dress and with a fabulous hair, approached a handsome suit-up gentleman and maybe talk in German (just for some added point). Hurmmmm… seems commercial. I would never do that though. :P Just saying.
Anyway, German is sexy. I should say the German people sexy too though I never met one but hey, anyone that talk in German and French, they are sexy. You score sexiness point! Yay! :D :D
**I found these awesome guys who sang hit English songs in Deutsch and they are awesome. Pretty much sexy too, gotta give them points in that. :) They sound great too. Worth a check and definitely my swing to learn more of German. Sing I am to German…!
This is absolutely just-write-no-points post. Lalalala…! Off I am in my dream to Berlin. :)
The awesome Germany: